Introducing Foster Children To Your Family

It's exciting to introduce new foster children to the family. You may find yourself getting giddy about connecting your biologically extended family to your new foster children, but your foster children have a different experience. Foster children don't necessarily understand how they fit into the parade of individuals who suddenly take their places in your living room. Foster children, though abused or neglected, still see themselves as part of their birth family unless they've been in your home for several years. Transitioning from one family isn't about taking up residency in a new home. It's about changing one's identity, grieving, and finding a way to accept things the way they actually are. When you introduce your foster children to grandparents, aunts, uncles, or brothers and sisters, you need to prepare both your relatives and foster children for the gray areas that exist with these new relationships.

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Foster children will often have a set of grandparents already when they show up to your home.

They probably have aunts, uncles, and even perhaps brothers and sisters of their own. Unfortunately, your foster child's family is probably not in any way intact. Seeing and meeting family members who havehealthy relationships can be upsetting in a way for foster children who feel alienated from their own families.

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It's important to educate your foster child about the people you plan to introduce her to. Telling your foster child stories about these people can help cement the information about these relatives into your foster child's brain in a way that is meaningful.

Your foster child may or may not realize why your brothers and sisters, aunts, uncles, and parents would want to meet her. If your parents are particularly excited to meet the first foster child who comes into your home, you may need to explain some things to your foster child, especially if she's old enough to understand, about your parents' expectations.

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It's also important that you explain to extended family that your foster children don't necessarily see them as grandparents, at least not at first. Encourage your parents to get to know your foster children as human beings, but to be prepared to send them back to birth families. Depending on the open-mindedness of your parents, this may be more difficult than it sounds. I tried numerous times to educate my own parents about the nature of foster care and how foster children experience their new family environment. I provided books and short lectures on foster parenting to try to get my parents to comprehend the situation these foster children were in when they were placed in our home. But my parents, refused to understand and instead desperately wanted these foster children to function as full-fledged grandchildren. Though my parents could have treated our foster children as grandchildren, they needed to respect the process of foster parenting for what it actually is. Foster children often do go home. And foster children need to be able to talk about their birth family without judgment from the foster family. Foster children can come into your home from different races and religious backgrounds and you need to attempt to prepare your biological family for this fact.

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Though both your foster children and your extended family may misinterpret the new relationship that can be forged through your efforts as a foster parent, you can still provide ample opportunities for your family to intermingle successfully with foster children. If you enjoy entertaining it might be easier than if you hate putting on family events. Figure out a family situation that is amenable to gathering together the diverse members of your family in a setting that allows everyone to mingle a bit and get to know each other in an informal sort of way. Perhaps a visit to Chuck E. Cheese is in order. An environment like that can help people find ways to hang out together without making a big commitment to conversation that could go awry.

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It may be best to introduce your foster children to the people in your family one at a time in an informal way before subjecting your foster child to a big family event like the holidays. If your foster child doesn't take up residence in your home until the holiday season, this may not be possible, but it can be stressful for a foster child to have to meet a multitude of family members at a holiday event for the very first time.

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As your child's foster parent, it's up to you to help your foster child and your relatives make sense out of the new relationships that they can have with each other. You can provide an important link that will help both parties understand each other better from the beginning. Give your relatives the chance to interact with your foster children one-to-one, as well as in a group. Foster children will start to feel more like a member of your ?family once he or she starts making relationships with extended family. Knowing the people who are your parents, brothers, and sisters can help your foster child understand you better and enjoy your family environment even more.

Source: http://lifestyle.ezinemark.com/introducing-foster-children-to-your-family-7d33b3a19ffe.html

eastman kodak richard cordray shannon de lima joe torre west virginia university michele bachmann jessica biel